First of all, I have to apologies… for log in to your blog without your permission… I knew is rude and I just try my luck…

So what do you think my forgiveness is? Does it really mean anything to u? And how you expect I will just forgive you like that… the following post should be in my blog yet… it was inconvenient to be in it…

Is that god’s will? To lead me to your blog again? Is been few months that I never step into the blog, if I am not too boring to click into Joyce’s blog, and from the limited links… I clicked into your blog… is a dead blog, which has no updates for so many months until 1st April 2009, or maybe is April Fool…?

A password protected post… raised up my curiosity… I tried so many password, your friendster password, your previous blog post password and so on… after all possible passwords that are related to yourselves been tried… I started to try with my name, which I never ever wanted to see… the first one I tried is “evelyn0nair”, the page loading take such a long time and makes me nervous… end up is still blank… second password I tried is “Geminieve”, still… is the blank page… finally I saw the post content with the password of my first name…

Obviously… that post is referred to me… apologies to me… guess how I feel? I just finish my post of my decision to break up with my current boyfriend… and I got this… so what is the whole thing trying to boost me for?

Whatever in that post, I would to say is bull-shyt… I don’t even know what the hell is the main reason that lead to our break-up… Seriously… I took a lot of times and effort to recover from it… I spend so many love, effort and tears on you… and what the hell did I gained from it? No doubt to say that I am damm freaky ANGRY of you…! Not because of being dump but because I really love you… although you are not the one I love the most… but you’re just one after my 3rd boyfriend(the one I love the most)… In another words, you are the second boyfriend that I love most… I did what ever that I can do to rescue our relationship that time… I seriously lost my mind and I just don’t know what the hell am I doing that time…

Is just last night… Facebook test told me that I actually haven’t completely let go my ex-boyfriend… So is that true? I had no IDEA!!

Honestly, I am damm freaky frustrated on this… In fact I know I have to bear the responsible as well… If I didnt come and view your blog… If I never try out the password, If I never seen all this… What do you actually want from me with this post? Forgiveness? And what else? You’ve mentioned “Love so hard”… and you are the one who said you no longer love me… so you are the one who should say “Love so hard” or me???

Please think properly… until now… still you did not tell me any VALID reason of breaking up… when people asked me… I could just said “I don’t know!” Khor Siang Teng, from the beginning until now… forgot about my birthday… what have you did for me? What do you think that you really did it purposely for your girlfriend that time? I’ve trying so hard to convinced myself that you’re just do not know how to play the roles of boyfriend… finding so much excuse for you for treating me bad… Who ever surrounding me told me that they felt my sadness hidden in myself when I am be with you… And I told myself…”I am not!!!”

After the talk in Cypress, I do not deny that I seriously feel bad about everything… heart broken badly and I felt empty in myself… whatever I did is just… so stupid… and I told myself “This guy seriously didn’t love you anymore…” because he rather to see myself crying at the park and he just wanted to stand so far away from me and just leave me alone there… I knew you were there… looking at me and Bs… whatever it is… you are just sooooooo DONKEY!

I took so many days and night to cry… to convince myself to let go… even after I be with my boyfriend, I am still thinking of you… remember 6th day of CNY? I keep on asking you whether want to join us for dinner… that time I actually had a boyfriend… yet I wanted to see you and just have a dinner with you… I do not kow why am I sooooooo STUPID… allow you to drag me until the very last minutes… makes me feel so bad because of this tiny issues… and I told myself that “I will never ever contact this feller until the anger release OR you come and find me yourself”, I continue my life with my boyfriend and I did it! Didn’t contact you for guess 1 month plus after that issue, until my labtop broke down, I was forced to find you to asked about my labtop stuff… I thought is just that simple…

And what’s now? Written this post to me and just simply ask for my forgiveness?? So who do you think YOU ARE? You know what? Tears fall again when this post comes to here…! I seriously had no more energy to take all this…

If you worry that I will log in to ur account again… please change your password if you want… anyway… I am not going to log in again also~

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